If Your Kid Asks About Death, How Do You Deal With It?
“How was I made?”
This was the question my 10-year old boy asked me before. For a parent of a very inquisitive son, his questions can be answered sometimes by “yes” or “no”.
But with this particular question, I looked at my wife, if she would answer it.
“You came from mommy’s tummy.’” my wife said.
“That wasn’t my question”, he protested. “How was I made?”
I knew he knows the answer but just wanted to press more or he just wants the answer coming from our mouth. For some reason, sometimes this kid is really that inquisitive. It’s not the question of “why”, “why”, why”, 5 times deep, like 5-year old kid asks questions.
It was in the car, I was driving and he was in the back seat, I think we were going to pick up his mom from work, from out of nowhere, Koji asked, “what is the purpose of life, daddy?”.
I really don’t know if 10-year old kids ask these kind of questions but the good thing is, I have a ready answer. The purpose of life is to serve other people. You are here to help others.
He bought it.
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“You ask your science teacher,” I told him, regarding his question about how he was made. “You are discussing anatomy in school, so why not ask her.”
For questions like this, you are stumped. I looked around for answer that is not offensive or anything. What’s frustrating is that I don’t know how to deal with these kind of questions.
My kid’s questions are sometimes cute. The good thing about this question is that sometimes you can deflect it for her teacher.
Last night however, before we went to sleep, it was different.
I usually stay with my kid, although his 10 already, so he can sleep. He’s been telling me his fears for a while, that he is scared of hell. He won’t even pronounce it — he would say, I’m scared of h-e-l-l.
“You are a good kid.” I said.
“But I sin behind your back.”
There was a pause.
“Those kind of sins, you can ask forgiveness.” I finally said.
“Will I enter heaven?”. He asked. I pulled him closer to me, “of course you do.” I said and kissed him.
“You didn’t do something really, really bad.” I added.
We talked for a while about people who sinned, but for sure they were forgiven. We talked about people asking for forgiveness so they enter heaven. Then there was a long pause.
“What if I can’t get in to heaven?”, he started sobbing. I started to console him.
“You will, you’re a good kid.” I hugged him tighter, his cheeks resting on mine. I was caressing his hair.
For a long while, we were just staring at the dark ceiling. He was still sobbing.
I read a lot of religious book, or shall I say, I listen to a lot of religious themed audio books, most of them, discussing Buddhism, and Christianity in an academic settings. I wish I can impart what I read but this is a 10-year old kid.
“When you die, will that be the last time I see you?”, he was crying uncontrollably now.
“No, we will see each other in heaven.” I countered.
He sobbed more, “Daddy, I don’t want you to die. I want you to be in my side forever. I love you so much.”
“I love you too, Koji.” I said. “I won’t be going anywhere.”
“You promise?” He said.
“I promise.”
